Shadowland
Footsteps on the lonely beach
Fading marks on shifting sand
Incoming tide will wash away
I am walking in the shadow-land
Sojourning somewhere not my home
Traveling across the barren strand
Wandering where I don't belong
I am walking in the shadow-land
Smoke on the crying wind
No one around but the damned
There's fog on the barrow-downs
I am walking in the shadow-land
It's raining ash instead of tears
And all at once I understand
I'm meant for so much more
I am walking in the shadow-land
There's a place I'm meant to be
Just beyond the curtain spanned
Pull back the gray and look
I've been walking in the shadow-land
There He stands, just inside the glass
And He's reaching out his hand
I'm going home at last
I will say goodbye to the shadow-land
Nicely done! The last line of the final stanza is a bit awkward on the tongue, and again you could exploit some more complex imagery and metaphor in your descriptions, but the tone and message of the poem are wonderful. I'm particularly fond of the changing refrain at the end of the paragraphs - very cunning :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the tips! And yes, if I ever have the same refrain... I like mixing it up :). Also, there is supposed to be a rather longish pause between shadow and land. So saying
Delete"Sha-dow (beat) land" might help pull out the beginning of the sentence. The last one's still one syllable too long, but it works.